Eternal Bleeding

laziness

2006-04-10T18:39:00.000+10:00

for the moment, until i get around to it... most of my newer poems are on my other blog

http://www.freeopendiary.com/entrylist.asp?authorcode=A929359

yea... i dont always have time to manage two blogs.... but i will update this soon i promise

deafening

2006-03-28T08:13:00.000+11:00

all is silent in her world
what has she done she asks
she thinks back to his words of old
'if you come here youll find me i promise'

now she comes running but where is he
no longer a knight by her side
she follows the trail of blood on the ground
and finds him in an empty space

calling aloud at th top of his lungs
CAN YOU HEAR ME he cries over again
the blood flows from his fists clenched so tight
the gashes torn right through his soul
she sees his mouth moving
she can make out the words
her knight is screaming
yet she hears nothing at all
the silence is deafening
tears well in her eyes
she cannot hear him anymore
he will not call out to her
not since that night that she made him die.

All The Things That Arent Good About Scientology

2006-03-14T00:53:00.000+11:00

Hello, is anybody home
the lights were on
try and switch to manual control
but it's been on autopilot for so long
and Ive been working on the theory that
someones always worse off
and Ive been thinking
Im too young
and now what
for you
what are you going to do
can't consume slowly
too much to see
too much to read
on your bridge to O.T.
but someone, somewhere is
pushing a world around on four wheels
and tonight in your town
the stars are looking down
on you and me
and now what
for you
what are you going to do
the news comes twice a week
like a chinese whisper
not the same when it reaches me
safer to see than to be seen
safer given lines to drive between, between, between
and it's such a small room
it's a danger
and the pictures on the wall
might mean nothing at all
but they're mine will you notice
what will you say
what will you say
any attempt to compensatew
ould not go unnoticed
and Ive been thinking
Im too young for all of this
too young

- Something For Kate

stuff

2006-03-12T04:38:00.000+11:00

well i found a file while searching for a folder of mine... i know you keep saying it's not my fault there's nothing for me to be sorry for... but everytime i think of it and how stupid i was, and then seeing the file date.... im just so incredibly sorry. i truly had no intention of ever upsetting you, and after reading through it all, i realised how much of an absolute idiot i really am. i miss you heaps now and it's because i did something stupid and didnt think about what i was doing or how it would affect you.

continued... my other blog wouldnt let me save there

2006-03-08T02:36:00.000+11:00

well now i guess i understand... i wish you'd told me sooner though. i know i left it too late, but if i'd known how you felt things might be different.

i still love you and i dont care that you're crazy and difficult, i'm quite willing to deal with that just like i always deal with it

umm i really dont have much else i can say other than that... except i hope we can somehow work a way for things to be ok again.

i just wish things were back to normal... nothing feels the same

2006-03-07T00:26:00.000+11:00

everything as normal
all smiles and love
now gone in an instant
now he is left alone

emptiness engulfs him
swallowing his soul
darkness creeps in once again
the feeling of old returns once more

i cant finish this poem. i dont have it in me to finish it. im so drained, i just cant follow through with this anymore. i am shattered as a boat upon the rocks, i have no clear direction...

resurface

2006-02-17T00:14:00.000+11:00

She once was lost to me
now she is found
buried deep within another girl
the pain this time different, more subtle
yet damaging all the same

now he does see the path he has chosen
awakened he has to the change in his story
the bond he has with her is seeming to change now
the memory she cheated... this time is why?

hours pass his fury grows
his old and new are fused as one
frenzied now he looks all over
a glint in the corner, all is found

he pulls the blade out from its place
wipes it down and makes it new
the steel is cold upon his skin
he strikes

he strikes again, a third, a fourth
he loses count as red overcomes him
slashing tearing, leaving nothing
she resurfaced, and created no more than a bloodied mess.

I Died 4 Love - The Poem That Ruined Everything

2006-01-17T00:35:00.000+11:00

The following is a poem written by a girl in 2001. It is here with no additions or erasures. This girl was found hanging from her roof in the morning, with this poem addressed to the guy she couldnt have, lying on her bed. Her parents blamed the event on him, and they still do to this day. I believe it is finally time to explain a lot of what has come and gone by putting up the poem that she wrote for me...

in the past where i did well
i met this guy i loved like hell
then he sat this girl upon his knee
and told her things he never told me
i went home to cry on my bed
not a single word was said

my father later on that night
searched for me both left and right
through the door he broke
to find me hanging from a rope
lying upon the ground
the note i wrote he dearly found

dig my grave!!
dig it deep!!
marble stone from head to feet!!
on the stone write the above showing words
i died 4 love

cracked and broken

2006-01-10T00:51:00.001+11:00

do you know what it feels like
to have something awoken inside you
pain starting to grow
to swell, to consume you
drowning you in a sea of lament...and feeding your hatred again

now is the time that you see yourself
see all that you were
all that you have become
the mask is lifted, the shell is exposed
cracked and broken

hatred and pain they mix within you
birthing a rage so primal and fierce
remember those old days
when you felt this way
all that you fought you have lost to

look deep inside the shell
the fire you see
beginning to take its hold once again
charring the insides and burning the soul
wreaking its havoc upon you

hatred and burning and pain that you feel
choking the soul that you nourished so long
tearing it from its reformation
feeding it melancholy and fire once more

cracked and broken and charred within
fragile as broken glass yet to break
this tormented soul now ripe for the picking
or to bleed out of control on this night

laments of the soul

2006-01-10T00:51:00.000+11:00

painful, yes, and hateful too
a spark awakens the long dead fire
time has chosen now to strike him
ravaging the soultoppling the new era
giving birth to darkness once more
no longer a smilenor laugh nor chuckle
no sparkle in his eyes anymore
death has come to him once again
now he is alone and free

untitled 8-12-05

2006-01-10T00:50:00.000+11:00

the hatred tears his soul apart
the pain and sadness crush his spirit
no longer is this false mask on show.
this is he, below the armour...
able to bleed once more

save

2006-01-10T00:46:00.000+11:00

his seams do stretch as the rage does build
the hatred he cages inside
repressed anger threatens to rip through his soul
his control is only a point of view
sadness wells deep within him
poisons him against the world
glinting, the blade catches the light
it flashes as he sharpens it one last time
this will be the last he will bleed
the last gash that his canvas shall know
throwing caution aside the blade plunges deep
no sound does he make as the canvas is torn
through skin and muscle and tendons he tears
there is no backtracking this time
no second chances
the flow cannot be stemmed this time
weakened and pale he drops to the ground
soon all will fade away
a figure appears
captivates his vision
he cannot tear his gaze away
every breath, every movement
traps his soul within it's grasp
he awakens from his vision
the blade still in his hands
he puts down his blade
no longer the gushing of blood from his being
the image remains, more focused she becomes
she has saved him from the darkness of his world

hope

2006-01-10T00:45:00.000+11:00

the hope which we cling so tightly to
is an illusory thinga myth, a legend, a falsehood
a nothingness which binds us to an empty world
this hateful world is nothing but illusion to most
only the insane and the torn see reality
only those without hope see the darkness which holds us all
we look to god or a greater being
we look for answers
yet nothing is what we find
for we look where there never was a thing
we look in the places which were void until we filled them
try looking into yourself
then perhaps you will understand
and be sure to hold strong
for my light will no longer support both our darknesses any more

bleed

2006-01-10T00:44:00.000+11:00

everything I touch shall bleed
pouring forth into my hand
crowned in hatred, nursed by fear
you can never find me here
the hell which hath become my life
does not shine nor does it smile
soon it shall lay me to rest
after i have suffered for long a while
burning as it drags me under
this should never have become
pale and withered, slowly this kills me
destroying all within this one

dying life

2006-01-10T00:43:00.001+11:00

he does not die a death, he dies a life
not physically for his breath defies life's hatred
but he dies a death of life
as though he is dead and alive all at once
he stumbles along with his shell of being
his torched gutted vehicle which transports him
he does not line his hatred with hate, but with apathy
with a soulless disregard for all that undoes him, all who killed him

refusal

2006-01-10T00:43:00.000+11:00

the cold steel against your skin
comforting, or frightening?
found your answer yet, taken my answer?
well then i trust you made your decision
for i refuse to guide you anymore.

pain beyond pain... the true answer to the steph poem

2006-01-10T00:38:00.001+11:00

the fire burns not so brightly
barely a glimpse of light to see
we do not talk so he is blinded
he does not know how this has come
the story never made its way
his eyes search, his ears listen
but no answer do they find
no credit is given for the hell within
that is what you did not take
who would think that the pretty smile
would be the siren's song
calling to him as he wandered
then slaying him as he stopped still
the rain of sulphur on his mind
the power and strength drained from him
no longer does he walk higher
now he is crumbled like a besieged wall
nothing more does he see
nothing more captures his will
no longer will his eyes smile nor glow
not now that he is emptied
he wishes the death of deaths upon
not her as he should, but upon him
she tore him open and ripped him apart
but he is empty and should die as such
empty, burned, alone
one day he will see her again
and then his eyes close as the noose tightens
the last he will see is the pain in her eyes
the horror as she watches him die
then she will feel as he did that night
and then she will be burned and empty

forever

2006-01-10T00:38:00.000+11:00

the pain of others shall set you free
your suffering tears you apart
if you but knew your pain as you know others
perhaps you would be happy
maybe you would no longer dwell
in this dark horrid world
you would leave
enter the realm of the heroes
the land of the great ones who had everything
the ones who still have everything
the discontent around you rebuilds
reshapes the foundations in your shell
makes you whole once more
their pain will set you free
for i have seen the darkness which binds you in this melancholic life
i am the darkness which imprisons you
for the darkness imprisons me
it has consumed me
it and i are as one
and together we shall rise triumphant
once this cruel painful world
releases us forever

wander

2006-01-10T00:37:00.001+11:00

a dark wanderer
tumbling through this awful life
never does he grow tired in body
never does he sleep when he has energy
yet he is dying
so very slowly
it tears him apart
it consumes all that he is
devours his being
he grows tired in mind
he cannot flee forever
let him die now
be merciful, spare his suffering
life, do not torment him any longer
release him from the pain
he is little more than a burnt shell
hollowed and alone
at least give him the sanctuary he deserves
give him death

undying shell

2006-01-10T00:37:00.000+11:00

to say that life is happy and eternal
is to say that death is sad and limited
we don't choose to live
our only choice is death
tomorrow, or the next day
in all truth i cannot decide for you
for me, it has come to pass
i am already dead
the burnt out shell of a former being
a great being, who had his choice taken from him
and he was slain
that such a person might meet an end so swiftly
is a great burden upon the surviving ruins
why does the shell remain
while the insides are burned and rotted away
the core is gone, there is no substance
all is empty and cold and alone
an eternal loneliness of being
and in the eternal life of the being
is the eternal torment of the death which is denied
death, the way we escape life
our one ticket to freedom
let us hope that the ticket is valid
lest we remain trapped in this wretched torment forever

an insight into emotion barriers

2006-01-10T00:35:00.000+11:00

do you know how hard it is to hide that from someone that you think you like? ur not even sure u like them, coz u don't know how to feel anymore, all u have are sadness and anger and you can only control the anger... the sadness is a melancholy, which drives you beyond insanity, it drives you into a depth of thought that you wish you'd never found you see things and find things that shouldn't be seen or discovered and you become consumed by this horror world which turns out to be who you are and then you give up and decide you're not gonna ever let anyone in because if they see what you've seen, it'll hurt them or it'll scare them away. you don't put the barriers up just for your protection... you put the barries up to protect everyone else from you

a quote from Vlad, 13th Prince of Wallacia

2006-01-10T00:33:00.001+11:00

Vlad Tepes, or Dracula, as he has come to be known, was very concerned that all his subjects work and contribute to the common
welfare. He once noticed that the poor, vagrants, beggars and cripples had become very
numerous in his land. Consequently, he issued an invitation to all the poor and sick in
Wallachia to come to Tirgoviste for a great feast, claiming that no one should go hungry
in his land. As the poor and crippled arrived in the city they were ushered into a great
hall where a fabulous feast was prepared for them. The prince's guests ate and drank
late into the night, when Dracula himself made an appearance. 'What else do you desire?
Do you want to be without cares, lacking nothing in this world,' asked the prince. When
they responded positively Dracula ordered the hall boarded up and set on fire. None
escaped the flames. Dracula explained his action to the boyars by claiming that he did
this, 'in order that they represent no further burden to other men so that no one will
be poor in my realm.'

untitled... grin everyone needs an untitled at some point

2006-01-10T00:33:00.000+11:00

i can feel it burning away inside me
it doesn't hurt though
not like it should
there is no hurt that this body feels
melancholy
it just sets in
slowly it worsens
becomes a saddened depression
and still it burns
like someone has set fire to the heart
which has spread and ignited the soul
torching everything
gutting the body
leaving it charred and blackened
and unloved

that poem for that girl

2006-01-10T00:31:00.001+11:00

how could something so beautiful be so tortured
why does the pain seek her
it is not deserved
the innocent should not be harmed
sometimess i just wish for the beauty to let me take its fall
the pain already eats me life is all but given up
my purpose is to prove i am strong
the beauty does not deserve the same fate as i
she should be given back her existence
the darkness should not enslave her
it should instead destroy myself
long as the hurt of the beauty is less than my own
maybe i can be tranquil

betrayal

2006-01-10T00:31:00.000+11:00

betrayal
yes, betrayal
just as easy as trust
half as difficult to accept
why trust and be betrayed?
hell, why trust?
the wound of the knife has limit
flesh is only so deep
a soul is far deeper
bounds do not exist there
the knife of betrayal is one which cuts the soul
damages life
and steals your forever

aftermath

2006-01-10T00:30:00.000+11:00

burn
fucking burn
all of you
don't draw me near
don't even try
your combustion is contagious
and it is not what i want to catch
destroy yourselves
spontaneously burst into wild flame
destroy each other
where will you be when it is over
destroyed and alone
i am already destroyed
i have always been alone
and when it is over
i will be gone

darkness

2006-01-10T00:29:00.001+11:00

its times like these
you're so fucked
you feel so down
smack
you hit the bottom
where do you go from there
where can you go
there's nothing up there for you
that doesn't exist to you
or maybe you don't exist for it anymore
how can you know
how could you tell
you didn't choose to come here
yet you do not choose to leave
you embrace this dark solitude
and search for the doorway
not so you may come and go,
but to stop others from entering
they drove you mercilessly into the dark
and it is in the darkness you wield your anger
your hurt, and your pride
just as a knight wields his sword
and the darkness is your armour

balance

2006-01-10T00:29:00.000+11:00

smile frown anger death
that is how life now unfolds

happy sad irate deceased

that is the cycle we follow

elated depressed enraged consumed

that is how you have driven this soul

pleasure displeasure destruction solitude

you now realise the damage that you cause

calm quiet silence peace

the balance returns now that you are gone

Me

2006-01-10T00:26:00.000+11:00

has there been a time
a time in your pitiful life
when you were not sour and cruel?
were you once cheerful
or maybe powerful and strong
had you a loving foundation?
i think not
i know you
you were not cheerful
you are more sombre now
dark days are here
you are angry, upset, solitary
you are not on a loving foundation
you are your cornerstone
and it is that which makes you powerful and bitter now
cold, calculating and calm
destructive and horrible
unfeeling, untrusting
who are you really??
i can tell you
you are me
and i despise you

violent calm

2005-12-28T10:23:00.000+11:00

let it begin
let it force its way through you
destroying all in its path
it shall surge
explode through you as water through a turbine
your face will change
you will feel different, powerful
the torrents shall thunder through
once you are consumed by this force
are you angry or calm?

hiroshima

2005-12-28T10:21:00.001+11:00

silence now, but what of before?
why is this place so quiet?
even the animals fear this place
the wind daren't blow lest it breaks the silence
paradise now, but what of the future?
birds they call, leaves they rustle
nature reigns here
what is that i see reflecting the sun?
concentrate now, the building is ready
it reflects the sun so brightly!
shall we proceed? yes, reflection is no harm.
the ground is opened, and man enters
ready now, can we begin?
the ground now closed, the men scatter
the birds are silent, a scream fills the air
a flash and a roar... a cloud rises high
silence now, this city is dead.
paradise lost, now us too
we heard the scream, we became the cloud
our bodies disintegrate into a nuclear winter
forgotten now? never.
never shall we forget our paradise
our city, which became our silence
never shall we forget hiroshima

do not

2005-12-28T10:21:00.000+11:00

do not speak
your speech tires me
do not watch
your attention disturbs me
do not calm
Your calming unsettles me
do not care
your caring worries me
do not reason
your reasoning annoys me
do not move
your movement angers me
listen
for your ignorance infuriates me
do not breathe
lest your life destroy me

destruction

2005-12-28T10:19:00.000+11:00

delve deep into your soul
search out your deepest hatred
do not act upon it, but consider it
do not remember the pain which it caused you
or the trouble which caused your hatred
remember the torture, remember the struggle
now recall the agony which feeds this hatred
let your anger once again rise
let it surge through you
let it surface and destroy all in its path
calm
let your calm return
replace the cover over your anger and wait
store all the energy
until that time when you can destroy once again

fire

2005-12-28T10:17:00.001+11:00

die the death of 1000 screams
then rise again, like the phoenix
rebirthed by fire, a fire which causes much pain
burn down your enemy
destroy him, erase him from existence
and catch his final breath in a jar
so that his soul is your trophy
display his soul, parade it proudly
and once you tire of your trophy
burn the encased soul which you so proudly posess
and destroy your enemies fire

-------------------------------

this is the first poem i wrote, 5 years ago.... and still when i read it, i feel as though i only just wrote it

live

2005-12-28T10:17:00.000+11:00

I live with my justice.
I live with my greedy need.
I live with my hatred.
I live with my jealousy.
I live with no mercy.
And i live with my frenzied feeding.
I live with the notion
That i dont need anyone but me.

kiss of death

2005-12-28T10:16:00.000+11:00

what seems a gentle kiss
becomes a deathwish
as your last breath is stolen
in that moment oh so golden
your soul is claimed, not by your fiercest rival
but by your closest ally

the steph poem

2005-12-28T10:11:00.000+11:00

u have no idea the pain u have caused me
u have no idea what you have done to me this night
if only you had realised that my feelings were not for you
the rope would not have constricted my neck so tight