laziness

for the moment, until i get around to it... most of my newer poems are on my other blog

http://www.freeopendiary.com/entrylist.asp?authorcode=A929359

yea... i dont always have time to manage two blogs.... but i will update this soon i promise

deafening

all is silent in her world
what has she done she asks
she thinks back to his words of old
'if you come here youll find me i promise'

now she comes running but where is he
no longer a knight by her side
she follows the trail of blood on the ground
and finds him in an empty space

calling aloud at th top of his lungs
CAN YOU HEAR ME he cries over again
the blood flows from his fists clenched so tight
the gashes torn right through his soul
she sees his mouth moving
she can make out the words
her knight is screaming
yet she hears nothing at all
the silence is deafening
tears well in her eyes
she cannot hear him anymore
he will not call out to her
not since that night that she made him die.

All The Things That Arent Good About Scientology

Hello, is anybody home
the lights were on
try and switch to manual control
but it's been on autopilot for so long
and Ive been working on the theory that
someones always worse off
and Ive been thinking
Im too young
and now what
for you
what are you going to do
can't consume slowly
too much to see
too much to read
on your bridge to O.T.
but someone, somewhere is
pushing a world around on four wheels
and tonight in your town
the stars are looking down
on you and me
and now what
for you
what are you going to do
the news comes twice a week
like a chinese whisper
not the same when it reaches me
safer to see than to be seen
safer given lines to drive between, between, between
and it's such a small room
it's a danger
and the pictures on the wall
might mean nothing at all
but they're mine will you notice
what will you say
what will you say
any attempt to compensatew
ould not go unnoticed
and Ive been thinking
Im too young for all of this
too young

- Something For Kate

stuff

well i found a file while searching for a folder of mine... i know you keep saying it's not my fault there's nothing for me to be sorry for... but everytime i think of it and how stupid i was, and then seeing the file date.... im just so incredibly sorry. i truly had no intention of ever upsetting you, and after reading through it all, i realised how much of an absolute idiot i really am. i miss you heaps now and it's because i did something stupid and didnt think about what i was doing or how it would affect you.

continued... my other blog wouldnt let me save there

well now i guess i understand... i wish you'd told me sooner though. i know i left it too late, but if i'd known how you felt things might be different.

i still love you and i dont care that you're crazy and difficult, i'm quite willing to deal with that just like i always deal with it

umm i really dont have much else i can say other than that... except i hope we can somehow work a way for things to be ok again.

i just wish things were back to normal... nothing feels the same

everything as normal
all smiles and love
now gone in an instant
now he is left alone

emptiness engulfs him
swallowing his soul
darkness creeps in once again
the feeling of old returns once more

i cant finish this poem. i dont have it in me to finish it. im so drained, i just cant follow through with this anymore. i am shattered as a boat upon the rocks, i have no clear direction...

resurface

She once was lost to me
now she is found
buried deep within another girl
the pain this time different, more subtle
yet damaging all the same

now he does see the path he has chosen
awakened he has to the change in his story
the bond he has with her is seeming to change now
the memory she cheated... this time is why?

hours pass his fury grows
his old and new are fused as one
frenzied now he looks all over
a glint in the corner, all is found

he pulls the blade out from its place
wipes it down and makes it new
the steel is cold upon his skin
he strikes

he strikes again, a third, a fourth
he loses count as red overcomes him
slashing tearing, leaving nothing
she resurfaced, and created no more than a bloodied mess.

I Died 4 Love - The Poem That Ruined Everything

The following is a poem written by a girl in 2001. It is here with no additions or erasures. This girl was found hanging from her roof in the morning, with this poem addressed to the guy she couldnt have, lying on her bed. Her parents blamed the event on him, and they still do to this day. I believe it is finally time to explain a lot of what has come and gone by putting up the poem that she wrote for me...

in the past where i did well
i met this guy i loved like hell
then he sat this girl upon his knee
and told her things he never told me
i went home to cry on my bed
not a single word was said

my father later on that night
searched for me both left and right
through the door he broke
to find me hanging from a rope
lying upon the ground
the note i wrote he dearly found

dig my grave!!
dig it deep!!
marble stone from head to feet!!
on the stone write the above showing words
i died 4 love

cracked and broken

do you know what it feels like
to have something awoken inside you
pain starting to grow
to swell, to consume you
drowning you in a sea of lament...and feeding your hatred again

now is the time that you see yourself
see all that you were
all that you have become
the mask is lifted, the shell is exposed
cracked and broken

hatred and pain they mix within you
birthing a rage so primal and fierce
remember those old days
when you felt this way
all that you fought you have lost to

look deep inside the shell
the fire you see
beginning to take its hold once again
charring the insides and burning the soul
wreaking its havoc upon you

hatred and burning and pain that you feel
choking the soul that you nourished so long
tearing it from its reformation
feeding it melancholy and fire once more

cracked and broken and charred within
fragile as broken glass yet to break
this tormented soul now ripe for the picking
or to bleed out of control on this night

laments of the soul

painful, yes, and hateful too
a spark awakens the long dead fire
time has chosen now to strike him
ravaging the soultoppling the new era
giving birth to darkness once more
no longer a smilenor laugh nor chuckle
no sparkle in his eyes anymore
death has come to him once again
now he is alone and free

untitled 8-12-05

the hatred tears his soul apart
the pain and sadness crush his spirit
no longer is this false mask on show.
this is he, below the armour...
able to bleed once more

save

his seams do stretch as the rage does build
the hatred he cages inside
repressed anger threatens to rip through his soul
his control is only a point of view
sadness wells deep within him
poisons him against the world
glinting, the blade catches the light
it flashes as he sharpens it one last time
this will be the last he will bleed
the last gash that his canvas shall know
throwing caution aside the blade plunges deep
no sound does he make as the canvas is torn
through skin and muscle and tendons he tears
there is no backtracking this time
no second chances
the flow cannot be stemmed this time
weakened and pale he drops to the ground
soon all will fade away
a figure appears
captivates his vision
he cannot tear his gaze away
every breath, every movement
traps his soul within it's grasp
he awakens from his vision
the blade still in his hands
he puts down his blade
no longer the gushing of blood from his being
the image remains, more focused she becomes
she has saved him from the darkness of his world